sleepless nights

i often can't sleep at night.
my mom says it's because i have such a wonderful mind; it doesn't like to shut off at night,
i think it's because my mind is mocking me,
mocking me with memories of the past,
memories of the used to be, the has-been, the was.

i often sit in bed for hours thinking......
my past is the reflection on the pupil of my left eye that i am looking at in the mirror,
always there, always a part of me. always staring me straight in the face, unrecognizable, often hard to notice--or remember to notice--but always there.

i used to think that i would have lots of friends in high school. life would be just as carefree and blissful as Troy and Gabriella in High School Musical.

was i wrong.......

they say not to worry about the past, forget the future, and cherish the present, because it is a gift. i'll my past, gift wrapped, bow on top, thanks, put the receipt in the bag.

back when we were given a box of crayons and told to explore the world through our own eyes, through our crayons, onto our paper.

don't doodle on your assignments they say,

i say take me back to 1st grade, where life was so much more simple.

-David Charleston

through the fog

i can't see,
can't behold that illustrious, fluctuation of past and present,
or that inadequate representation of something not worth trying for.

i don't know how i'm gonna survive,
this emptiness, this misconception, this loss of vision for what is really important

is that really me,
is that really me staring straight ahead right back at me through the fog.
am i really that short, that stone cold, that unclear.

unclear of the future, of what i want to do, of who i want to be
maybe that's why i can't see myself
i can't see what i look like, i can't see how i portray myself.
i can't perceive the person i have become, who i have become.

it's all foggy now........

i don't know what to think,
i'm thinking irrationally,
i don't know what it is that i want

i've got to find a way to clear this fog.

see through the fog,

pierce the fog.

that's the only way,
the only option

through the fog


(thanks for reading)

-David Charleston

1..........21 bricks

21 bricks that i wish i would have dropped

21. i wish i would have graduated early; i had the chance, didn't take it

20. i wish i would have been better to my friends

19. i wish i would have worried less

18. i wish i would have gotten more sleep......i really wish

17. i wish that i would have taken creative writing 2. i really like this class

16. i wish i would have read more. reading saves live

15. i wish i had more time

14. i wish i had more time for you

13. i wish i could've been more outgoing

12. i wish i could've lifted people up, just like they lifted me

11. i wish i would have studied harder

10. i wish i would have gotten a higher act score

9. i wish i would have spent more nights pondering about life

8. i wish i could have learned to organize my thoughts

7. i wish i was a leader, rather than a follower

6. i wish i could have paved a new path, rather than follow on paved by another

5. i wish i would have wasted less time. time is the most valuable asset

4. i wish i would have valued people more, and material things less

3. i wish i would have appreciated my family, they mean the world to me

2. i wish i could've been a better example

1. i wish that i could have learned to love

just give me time

just give me time........

in time i'll be accomplish that goal
succeed in that sport,
wash the windows to my clouded soul with spot-free soap,

in time i'll be able to read that book,
write that much more profoundly,
quit my irrevocable habit of being a constant know-it-all

in time i'll be less prideful,
more succinct in my thinking,
more compassionate.....yes that's something i need to work on

in time i'll give you something to witness
something to set on your shelf and look at time and time again
i'll be something,
someone worthy of your notice

just give me time........

in time i'll correct that last wrong
i'll change
change into someone caring, sympathetic, and true
i'll be able to listen, not just speak about myself

in time it'll all change,
for the better i promise
in time i'll be someone worth falling for
someone who you know you can trust
i'll be that person you can lean on,
in those times of distress

don't give up one me,
please, not just yet
cuz i'll get there someday

please,

just give me some time.........

until next time,

david charleston

fear

i can't breathe
i'm being crushed under the weight of it; i promise i can't lift that much
it's like a steel knife in my windpipe
i can't breathe
but i still fight while i can fight
i've never been here before
i've never felt this way before
i've done hard things, sure, but this; this is too much

this fear,
i'm being weighed down
my pants are sagging under the weight
it's strangling me, its got both hands on my throat
this fear is strong

strong as the shadows and monsters of my childhood imagination
strong as the wind in my face going 80 mph down the highway
it's as strong as my love for her, just before i moved away.....
this fear

it's gripping me
it's got control of me
why can't i stop it?
why can't i do anything to control it?
why can't i force myself, just this once
to take a leap of faith
force down that fear

but i can't.......
i can't do it
i can't do it
i can't do it
i can't do it
i won't do it
i won't do it
i won't do it

because i've got nothin to say to you
i've got nothin to say to you
i've got nothing to say to you

i've go somethin to say to you.......
i can say it
i will say it

this fear holds me back
this fear controls me

yet fear...........
is an obstacle to overcome
when i overcome it..........
my victory will be that much sweeter

love, have we met before?

was that you on the fourth of july, staring me in the face as we watched the fireworks down below

was that you last summer, whispering to me with the windows down

was that you back in seventh grade, or was i too young then

love have we met?

because that wasn't you through those pickup truck speakers, blasting out the same old country hits

i know that wasn't you when i kissed her at midnight on new years eve

i know that wasn't you when i held her hand for the first time

my hands clamming up and feeling sweaty under the pressure

i know that wasn't you when i kissed her after the football game

the win being a perfect reason to do so

love, when are we gonna' meet?

because i didn't recognize you in the fog of people surrounding me

because your bittersweet sting, i have never felt before

because the only beat i hear isn't coming from my own heart

because those lyrics are set to repeat repeat repeat

because i my world is constant, predictable as was breaking on the shore

love, will i feel different when we meet?

will i finally get that feeling, the feeling you get with a first kiss

will i get to feel that bittersweet sting, the product loving someone else

will i finally get to cry, simply because my love is in pain

will i finally care about a cause greater than myself

will i finally see in color, after years of black and white

love how long do i have to wait?

i hope it you touch will feel electric

like static throughout my body

your kiss as real as the feeling of nostalgia i feel

i hope you will be worth it, 

even when i feel the vivid sting of heartbreak

love, i hope we meet someday

truth is

i'm named after my father, yet somehow i don't believe i will grow into his shadow.
i'm five foot nine, and his shadow six-eight.
i fight this fight, day after day
spit out blood, and get back up.
i'm getting tired of these fake people; fake posts, tweets. fake pictures. laughing for the sake of it. smiling for the photo. take a seat.

i've never feared death or dying. i've only feared never trying. i am whatever i am. only God can judge me now.
i'm so done with this unfulfilling busy work. i'm done with pretending. i'm done being gone.
i want to be there
there for you.

i need to be me; you need to be you. i won't judge you if you return the favor.
your feeling down? you feel like you don't matter?
you're not alone, cuz i'm right there with you.
just do you.
cuz you have potential. you just need to work at it.

till next time.

-David Charleston

h_A_t_S

hats are an extension of my mood.

if i'm in a serious mood i might wear my hat forwards and low over my brow.

if i'm feelin fresh i might turn it backwards.

if i'm feelin jazzy i might go for a little sideways action.

here are some pics just for fun:

i've always thought i look good in hats. but that's probably the case with anything. isn't that human nature? to always believe we are better than we actually are? maybe for some. maybe not for others. it seems that sometimes the most confident people that you know are actually the most insecure with themselves. go figure huh. i've always wondered though. these kind of people seem to have everything. they're good looking, tall, always seem to have the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend. yet they still get insecure. 

i think i look good in hats.