friend or lover? check one

i always procrastinate these posts,
i guess that's a typical teenager right?
waits until the last minute to do everything, you know?

that's not why i wait
i wait because i'm self-conscious
i'm self conscious of my writing, my thoughts, my ideas,
myself

i guess that's why i wait.

you wrote the word zap on my arm and told me to read the other side at 3:45 when you were safely on a bus going home to your house, far enough away that you wouldn't see what i read.

you wrote your name on my arm,
you wrote that i love you.
the next day you passed me a note;
friend or lover? check one please

i checked the latter.............

as each quarter passes, the hallways get less and less crowded.
as each quarter passes, more and more people decide what they're going to do after,
move to a remote location halfway across the world, preaching foreign people foreign ideas about god,
or move away to a college campus, meet new people,
the hallways buzz with excitement, for summer, for freedom, for the end of this 4-year journey that started when we were just 14.

we take for granted our wins and losses,
we take for granted the childhood that treated us so well
we take for granted this experience, an experience that brought both pain and joy.

maybe a year from today i'll be envying the high school students
and wishing to be back under those lights,

those friday night lights........
and maybe i'll wish i hadn't taken that note for granted, 
friend or lover? check one please. 

but, it's like whatever. 

hey guys, i get scared too

i know i act like i'm not afraid,
like i'm not scared, like i never get scared
i know i'm always the first one into the haunted house,
the one to kill the huge spider on the wall

i get it,
you're scared,
but guess what?
i'm scared too

i'm scared of being real, of letting my true self show,
because once i do that
there'll be no more barriers
nothing blocking you from seeing
my true self.
so i guess my real fear is rejection.
the fear that you won't like what you see
i'm afraid of rejection

i'm scared of beginnings
of something new,
yet, i'm also scared of endings,
the end of something great, something wonderful, something that can never be replaced

i'm scared of the truth
because the truth never lies,
so i lie to myself,
to protect myself from the truth.

anyone scared of cracks? no, david that's preposterous they say.
i'm scared of cracks,
scared of falling through the cracks,
i'm scared of being forgotten,
of being that person,
that nobody ever talks about

most of all, i'm scared of myself,
scared of that rage, that depression, that love
that foolhardy love
i'm scared of my shadow,
for it follows me everywhere i go,

and i'm scared of what it might see..................

i'm scared

pīnati me te tangata

when i was 6 i read harry potter for the first time,

when i was 7 i learned to lie, 

when i was 10 i learned that my parents weren't going to be able to protect me forever,

when i was 12 i had my first kiss,

when i was 13 i was popular

i don't remember much from my fourteenth year,

when i was 15 i got grounded for 2 months for something i didn't do

sophomore and junior years passed by in a blur.....

now i'm eighteen...........

and i've learned that i am completely human. 

i make mistakes 

i get into deep _ _ _ _ sometimes

i fall asleep at my computer writing an essay that's due the following morning

i pushed away those who loved me, 

just to say that i got the grade.....

and here i am alone on a friday night, sitting; eating peanuts

man...these peanuts are good

i laugh and i love,

i get emotional when i'm sad, happy, or angry,

i wear my emotions on my sleeve

and i fly off the sleeve of my cuff

and my eye will focus on 50 things per second

and all the while wondering what i can do to be more human

there's something special about those summer nights,

when the trees are slightly swaying from the breeze that's just strong enough to keep you cool,

when the sunset hits the climax, and the intensity reflects the passion you feel for that person

when you look at the stars and contemplate who lowly, how insignificant you are compared to the vastness of the universe,

i, David Charleston, am purely, completely, and ultimately human.

and i love peanuts.

as always, 

too young to love

Me:

 i knew it was too good to be true,

you stole my heart and my first kiss

you stole my summer nights and my constant freethoughts

this love was ReaL.

i thought that this love was real

they say that love at first sight is a myth

screw it, that can't be true

they say that teenagers don't know what love is

that we're too young

too stupid 

too foolish

10:56 AM

Me:

#2yung2findluv
11:05 AM

Me:

why can't things just be the same as they were

why does it have to change

i know i ended it early 

but i just got scared

can you just give me another chance

remember those nights?

remember the good times?

remember when we spent those days,

all alone it was just us

listening to our song on the radio

laying in the bed of my pickup 

stargazing
3:16 PM

Me:

i know we were young

but i know what i felt
4:56 PM

Me:

can you just give me another chance?
12:06 AM

Me:

it was just a friendship with a little spark,

but every fire starts from just one spark

i've been thinking a lot about you lately,

we were so close

now we're galaxies apart

3 hours ago

Me:

bring us together

lets take another run

lets give it another shot,

i know we were young,

but i know what i felt
36 minutes ago

You:

i'm sorry, i think you've got the wrong number
2 minutes ago

Me:

frick
just now